


All I Want For Christmas Is Rhett McLaughlin's Ass

by ThatOtherBlonde (orphan_account)



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, Pick-Up Lines, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ThatOtherBlonde
Summary: This is a story of what would happen if I met Rhett McLaughlin on Christmas Eve and we spent the holidays together.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Rhett is so damn fine!! That man can slide down my chimney at half past midnight anyday...if you know what I mean. 
> 
> Anyways... How nice is Rhett's booty? Very!!!
> 
> Also the first chapter is kinda an intro to the story so try not to ride my ass to hard if you don't like it. It's also mostly sarcasm, the intro, I actually love Christmas, it's one of my favorite holidays. Can't complain.
> 
> Oh yeah and I love eggnog too. It's great. And even better with rum.

It's almost Christmas.

And you know what that means. Lets sit on the couch, drink cheap wine and watch Dr. Phil. Wait, it's Christmas, so lets drink eggnog, but lets mix it with lots of rum first because that's the only way to stomach that digusting creamy substance. 

Anyways... 

When you're a kid, Christmas is a magical time of year. You know that magical time of the year full of excited children waiting to tear open presents but first they have to fall victim to their parent's sick and twisted sense of humor by having them sit on some strange guy's lap dressed in a cheap red suit, pretending to be a jolly fat guy. You know those "Santas" just got a day pass out of prison so they can sit on their ass all day, while kids take turns peeing on them. 

I know right? Gross. Like come on parents! Have some respect for your children you didn't actually want! 

Yeah. It's really a magical time of year, isn't it? 

But that's Christmas when you're a kid. Christmas when you grow up is a whole other... Nightmare.

When you grow up Christmas is basically just another good excuse to drink. 

Sure you can still hang lights, decorate a tree, and even roast Chester's nuts on an open fire. Oh sorry, roast chestnuts on an open fire. Although what I said first sounds more fun... Not for Chester though. 

Anyways... 

When you grow up Christmas doesn't always have to be soul sucking. Speaking of sucking, do you have a boyfriend? Because that's one way to spice up the holidays. Let me just warn you though, he will put a bow on it. Just saying. 

So... What else could spice up this magical holiday full of twinkling lights and things that are well hung. 

I'll tell you right now. 

A man. 

And speaking of things that are well hung. Rhett McLaughlin. 

What? Like come on people, the man is 6'7. I'm sure it's all very proportional.

But seriously, a good way to spice up the holidays is to spend it with someone you actually care about. Like you're boyfriend. Or a man you like. Spend the holidays with a man. Preferably for me, I need someone tall, hot, and blonde. I need and want that Rhett McLaughlin. And that's just what happened for me. 

This is the story of the time I spent the holidays with the one and only Rhett McLaughlin. 

Rhett McLaughlin. Perhaps you've heard of him. That tall, hot blonde. Internetainer. Has a dorky little sidekick named Link. Popular YouTube morning show, Good Mythical Morning. Married, but when has that ever stopped anyone. And one can only assume, extremely well hung. I mean, come on people, the man is 6'7, I'm sure it's all very proportional. 

Anyways... Lets get on with the story.

Shall we?


	2. Meeting Rhett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve, and I meet Rhett McLaughlin.

It's Christmas Eve and the day started off much like the ones before. The same ordinary fucking days before. 

My alarm clock woke me up, blaring and blasting a stupid Christmas carol. Like for fuck's sake. This is California and if I have to hear "Let It Snow" one more time, I will punch someone in the face.

Since I'm up, with no chance of getting back to sleep, I hurriedly jump in the shower, get dressed, put on make-up, spray my perfume, and head out to the local coffee shop.

I've never really been into the holidays. Especially Christmas. The whole dynamic of it all seems completely overrated. Let's face it, Christmas is for kids who want presents, and parents who need a excuse to drink.

I continually walk down the street. I pop in my earbuds and blast some Luke Bryan into my ears. Although I'm not totally anti-holidays. But if I'm going to listen to a Christmas carol I want Luke Bryan to sing it to me.

I make it to the coffee shop. I reach my hand to the door when someone pushes the door from the inside and holds it open for me. I look up only to be greeted by a handsome blonde man with nice eyes and a charming smile.

I smile up at him. "Oh my god", I began. "Aren't you Ryan Reynolds?"

He laughs slightly. "I guess my invisibility is wearing off", he joked.

  _Maybe this will be the best Christmas after all._

"Can I get a picture with you?" I smile. 

"Sure, why not. It's Christmas time after all". 

I hand my phone to Ryan and get up close into his chest. He puts his arm around me and snaps the photo and hands be back my phone. 

"I got to go", Ryan says as he pats me on the back slightly. "Merry Christmas" 

I smile. "Merry Christmas Ryan" 

I watch as Ryan Reynolds walks off down the sidewalk. 

_Great! Not only am I alone for Christmas. But not I'm also horny. Yep, Alone and Horny for the holidays. Stuff that in you fucking stockings you damn carolers._

I smile widely as I let out a slight squeak before heading into the coffee shop.

Of course, the line's backed up. That always happens this time of year. But for once in my life, I don't really care that much. I mean, I just met Ryan Reynolds and got a picture with him.

_Nothing can ruin this day._

After about ten minutes of standing in line, I finally make it up to the counter to place my order. There is a young girl, who looks about only sixteen, standing behind the register. Her blonde hair is tied up in a tight ponytail and her green careless eyes stare back at me.

"What can I get for you?" The girl sounding the least bit interested.

I force a smile. "Medium pumpkin spiced latte, please"

I watch as she taps the order into the register. "That be $3.50", she says as she looks back up at me.

I hand her a five dollar bill and she gives me my change before I step aside.

Minutes pass, and I finally get my coffee. I start to walk out of the shop when something catches my eye. Or perhaps someone.

I stop dead in my tracks when I see a particularly handsome blonde man sitting in the corner booth starring out the window, as he nonchalantly fondles a sugar packet in his hands.

I smile slightly at the sight of him. He's cute. Blonde. And damn, such an amazing beard.

I stare blankly over at him for a good long minute, trying to drown out the cat screech sounds of Mariah Carey coming through the speakers of this coffee shop. 

It suddenly hits me that I know this man. He definitely looks familiar.

I take up no more time than I need to and proceed to walk up to him.

I smile. "I'm sorry but are you Rhett McLaughlin?"

He looks up at me. We lock eyes. His perfect green eyes burning into mine.

"I am", Rhett replies.

I chuckle. "I am a huge fan of yours. And Link's. And, of course, GMM"

"Thanks", Rhett replies.

I don't know why Rhett keeps giving me short answers to everything I ask but he better stop.

"May I sit?" I question, but before I could let him answer I take a seat anyways, right across from him in the booth.

Rhett plays around with the same sugar packet in his hands he had been for the last few minutes.

"Everything okay", I ask watching his hands contently.

"Yeah". Rhett finally sets the sugar packet down and looks over at me, giving me his full attention.

"So you're a mythical beast?" he adds.

"Uh... I am", I say cheerily. "And I'm damn well proud of it too"

Rhett nods in agreement. "That's good to hear"

I look at him as I lean in slightly, resting my arms in front of me on the table.

"So tell me", I began. "What are you doing, sitting here alone in a coffee shop on Christmas Eve, fingering a sugar packet?"

"I could ask you the same thing", he throws back at me.

"What? I am not fingering any sugar packets", I sarcastically, getting a laugh out of Rhett. 

Rhett leans back, stretching an arm out in front of him, holding his coffee. I smile twinged on his lips.

"Any other questions for me?"

"You never answered my first one?" I smile at him before taking a sip of my coffee.

"Okay", Rhett began. He leant forward resting his arms on the table. "I'm all alone for Christmas this year, is that what you want to here?"

"Where's your wife?" I question.

"She went to go spend Christmas with her sister"

"You didn't go with her?" I add.

"I never really liked her sister. The feeling is kinda mutual"

"What about Link? Where's Link?", I question.

"Link went back to North Carolina for Christmas"

"Oh. Why didn't you go with him?" I take another sip of my coffee.

"Look I love Link but even I need my breaks from him ever so often. If I didn't I would probably kill him and then our fans would kill me"

I laugh a little. "Link isn't that bad"

"You just don't know him like I do", Rhett added.

Rhett looked down at his coffee. "Don't get me wrong, I love Link. He's my best friend, my buddy for life, the peanut butter to my chocolate, but the guy can be a real pain in the ass sometimes"

I laugh. "I get that"

Rhett cocks his head slightly and smiles at me. "So tell me", I began. "Why are you alone for a Christmas?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "What makes you think I'm alone?"

"Because you're in a coffee shop on Christmas Eve instead of cuddled up with someone sipping hot cocoa"

I snap back. "You do realize life isn't a Hallmark movie, right?"

"Hey, don't mock my favorite past time". Rhett smiled and giggled.

I finish up my coffee as I look back over at Rhett. I contemplate ordering another coffee just so I can continue to sit hear with Rhett and continue our conversation. My coffee may be gone but I'm quite ready to say goodbye. But apparently neither is Rhett.

"You wanna get out of here?" Rhett shoots me that charming smile and looks at me with those puppy dog eyes of his.

"What?" I question him. Even though ever fiber in my being just did a bunch of flips, begging me to just shut the fuck up and take Rhett up on his offer.

Rhett smiled. "You don't have to say yes. It's just I assume that neither one of us should spend Christmas alone, so why not keep each conpany and spend it together"

I smile back. I don't need much time to think about it because I've already know my answer.

"Yes", I tell Rhett.

Rhett soon gives me his phone number and address and tells me what time to come over. He gets up out of the booth, as I do the same.

"I'll see you tonight then", Rhett smiles towards me before giving me a hug, and making ever nerve in my body fucking tingle. He walks away out of the coffee shop, and I watch his every move. I watch him walk away from me, my eyes lock on his ass. His perfect fucking ass.

_I hate to_ _see him go but I love to watch him walk away._

And I smile as I remained fixed in one spot, silently thinking to myself.

I can't believe it. I'm spending the holidays with Rhett. Rhett McLaughlin. My favorite internetainer.

I think my Christmas just got a little more cheery and bright!

**Author's Note:**

> May visions of Rhett's ass dance in your heads. 
> 
> Be. Your. Mythical. Best!!


End file.
